The Diary of an Emerging Librarian and sometimes Theologian.

2:45pm- I waited outside of the library for someone to open it.

3:18pm- 33 minutes late the library opens its doors to a crazy exuberant crowd of none. I bet everyone is at Sears Spectacular Spectacular Sale of Sunday.

3:39 pm- I eat 4 Oreos and drink a Diet Pepsi. I also listen to Jeff Buckley’s album Grace, which has no equal.

4:20 pm- I have checked in one book and checked out exactly none. I have not checked anyone out as there has only been no one here yet…wait. Someone just walked in…I did not check them out. The time is 4:20 pm time to smoke out. To bad I do not smoke out any longer. I am reading a book called The Courage to Teach by Parker Palmer. It is an OK book.

4:31 pm- nothing has changed since the last entry. I am still reading the above book.

4:32 pm- The only other person in the library has left. Now it is God and I in the library…and my wild imagination. So truly there is a gaggle of geese, a herd of cattle, a VW full of clowns, a cutter full of pirates, and a dojo of ninjas to keep me company. Shit the pirates and ninjas just killed the cattle and are now roasting the sides in the atrium. It smells good though and in a few hours I will have a delicious meal along side of my favorite warrior classes.

4:35 pm- I drank 12 ounces of water measured in the empty Diet Pepsi can. I then refilled it with another 12 ounces of water. I then went to the restroom to make room for the new 12 ounces of water.

4:49 pm- Two people come in to the library. One of them is visiting from UNC. We discuss the Emerging Church and missiology in regards to the alleviation of poverty in the US and else where. We end the conversation with “if we cannot unify ourselves then what the hell can we do elsewhere?”

5:45 pm- Still two people besides me in the library. I want to order a pizza with Jensen. I am currently mulling over my options with this idea. I am still reading the book.

6:06 pm- USC vs. UT…65 to 49 in favor of USC. What about the Rose Bowl you Alamo Bowl playing suckas.

6:12 pm- Memphis beats Nevada and now plays Texas A&M.

6:21 pm- USC beats Texas like a burnt orange step child.

6:38 pm- I eat two slices of Conan’s deep dish pizza with sausage and pepperoni and wash that down with another 12 ounces of water measured by my Diet Pepsi can.
6:49 pm- Only one person in the library now. They are reading old missionary correspondence and journal upstairs. I stopped reading the book.

6:55 pm- A patron came in the library and was looking for a particular book on Hosea. She and I searched every where but to no avail. The book was not found and she was sad. If only I was a better librarian. I am a failure. I begin to read a new book, Colossians & Philemon by Marianne Meye Thompson (BTW is the wife of my liaison John Thompson)

7:10 pm- I will be having anymore water, as the drinking fountain is kaput! I mourn the use of my Diet Pepsi can and recycle it hoping it will become something more useful like the shaft of an arrow used to hunt a deer in the Carolinas.

7:36 pm- AAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS well!

7:49 pm- A guy comes in to get a parking pass. He seems perturbed and a little annoyed. I asked him to sign in which is the new library standard and he looked at me like I asked him to remove his clothes and valuables and engage in interspecies erotica.

8:00 pm- I am no longer alone as another staff member arrives. I dance the funky chicken and apply sunscreen.

8:11 pm- Bad Boy Leroy Brown came to the library with two books full of Russian poetry. He seems content.

8:14 pm- The UNC PhD candidate from earlier has come down to photocopy the journals and missional items she is studying. My associate gives her a copy card as we discuss the nuances of the library schedule.

8:21 pm- I rejoice!!! The drinking fountain is not broken after all. I refill my empty Diet Pepsi can after removing it from the desired path to a Carolinian hunting arrow shaft. It is great to be a 12 ounce per serving water drinker.

8:29 pm- I am taking a break to rest on the sofa. I will report back later.

8:46 pm- I am back from my break. I drank my delicious water. Then I made room for the newest 12 ounces of water to revive life in me. I just noticed that Bad Boy Leroy Brown fell asleep while reading the Russian poetry. I just got seven books to check in, so of to work.

8:55 pm- I have completed my task and feel a deep sense of reward.

9:06 pm- I have just finished staring off into space for 11 minutes. I am now contemplating what I feel about all of this. By this I mean existence. By existence I mean what lies out there beyond the library walls. God please let there be something more to all of this. I need help. I just sent out a message in a bottle. The bad news being I flushed it down the third floor toilet and now it has flooded the entire third floor. I will have to spend the rest of the evening cleaning up. The worst part is not the floating torpedoes that have been launched towards the Chronicles of Persian Conquest…no one will get my message in a bottle.

9:28 pm- I am tired of swimming on the third floor. Surprising enough that the floor is rather water tight and I just had to open the windows and kick a couple of holes in the lower part of the walls and all of the water drained right out. I am now mopping up the water and clearing Persian history of turdpedoes.

10:24 pm- I am finished. Not really I have another half an hour till lock down of fortress Stotts. I say I am finished in spirit and body. I am a shell of the man that entered into this stoic hall of learning mere hours ago. What a ravaged way to go on about ones life. Is there such injustice than to let a man fade away in the shadow of volumes of religious text? Woe to me! Woe to me. I am going to entrust myself into the hands of Jesus and let the chips fall where they may. I hope you enjoyed this documentation of my day.
I left out a few things to protect the identity of the famous world leaders that meet in the back rooms of the library to settle the division of wealth and power in the developing world. I have also kept secret the location and activities of the cookie making elves that reside in the belly of the library. They hooked me up with all the lemon cookies I could eat. I am not fool. The most important item I hold guard of is the secret entrance to the secret club of secret secretly elected officials that ensure the WWF is on track. Without them this world would not have meaning or purpose. Thank be to God!!!