15 years ago I would have kicked my own ass.

Stayed in on a Friday night to watch a movie on public TV.
Stayed home Saturday night to listen to the California State Football Championships on internet radio.

Centennial should not be playing DLS. BHS should be in there playing DLS.

I am commenting on a chat room as I listen to this high school football game being played on the West Coast. I believe I have hit a new low.

I am now taunting folks online that are also listening to this game…

These kids cannot freaking spell. They use stuff I am no longer equipped to decipher.

They get so mad over nothing.

I just got called a c^*%$@*$er! That is funny. I am now being told to eat something not so tasty. Hmmmm, now I am a homosexual. Wow! It is strange to see what these folks are responding to. It is just a football game. They do not like to be reminded of this. I suppose if you are listening to a high school football game online you got to act tough as often as you can.

I bet these kids get picked on a lot. They will probably never go to a dance or get caught smoking pot in the parking lot. They perhaps are the equivalent of my days AV team. Go figure?

Well I cannot judge. I played D&D on Friday nights with my overweight, high friends. We would smoke cigarettes and perhaps some drugs…then play D&D all night! Seriously for 8 to 10 hours a night.

Plus I am listening to a high school football game online and talking trash to so kids or others about it. I am boring.

It is the third quarter…first down for Centennial. A gain of 2. 2nd down and 8. fake to Bass up the middle. Pass to carpenter for a gain to 2. it is now 3rd and 6. Scott with the option up the middle for 2 more yards. 4th down and 4. Going for it…1 min left in 3rd quarter. A sweep to the left by Posey and gets 7 yards for a first down.

This is a sample of what I am listening to. WOW.

Touchdown Centennial! De La Salle 31 Centennial 24! What a come back. Now into the 4th quarter!

The saddest part is I am totally enjoying listening to this game. I stopped talking trash to the kiddies. They got far too violent and crash. I am not against vulgar language. I was tired of reading the stuff they suggested I do with my sexually confused self.

Centennial with another touchdown!

De La Salle had a 31- 7 lead beginning the 2nd half. It is now 31-31 in the middle of the 4th.

I like to see DLS lose.

They did not. DLS 37 Centennial 31.

Birmingham should have played in this game.

Good night folks.

Seven things about little Ryan

I have been waiting to be tag for this. I actually begged Mere to tag me. I love these things. Here we go. Please keep all arms and legs inside the car until we come to a full and complete stop. Strap in and enjoy the ride.

Seven Interesting Things About Me (my childhood?)

#1) I used to sell handmade leather and wood “Free South Africa” medallions in high school. I also sported lines in my hair and according to my brothers my eyebrows. I rode the hip-hop wave.

I made the wooden ones in wood shop and adorned them on beaded chains I made. I would go to the bead store and scope out the imported wooden ones from Africa as they would make the necklaces more authentic.

It is a bit funny to me that years later I would end up living in Africa.

It was no cultural phase. I was determined to fight against apartheid. I wrote many papers in classes speaking out on the topic. I tried to start a t-shirt company [called Wizdom Designs] as a means to raise money to fight the injustice.

I was rather obsessed with the movie “The Power of One” as well. I had this Ladysmith album that I listened to over and over.

#2) I was obsessed with reading in elementary school. My brother, Grant and I read the entire catalog of reader cards as other kids read a few colors. I wanted to go to the library once. My dad took us to there and we checked out some books. They were late and my father returned some of them something like 4 years late. I still have one of them. I am sorry Westminster Public Library that I have Macbeth still.

#3) I wanted to be a Mathematician as I entered sixth grade.

#4) I tried to skate but never really could. So in high school I just hung out with some friends that skated.

#5) One time when we lived in Washington State, Grant and were walking home from kindergarten and were pushing and bullying the other kids. My mom caught wind of it and confronted us by say that a little bird told her we were being mean to other kids and now we could not walk alone to school.

This killed our fun so we swore we would be good and not push any kids. We also inquired if that little bird was going to be there the next day…

#6) I still owe Grant a root beer [12 ounces, Mug preferred] because I backwashed in it on purpose on the way home from first grade. I owe Grant a pioneer gun from Disneyland. I also owe him countless Cokes due to the pinch and a poke. He will not receive any of the above items as he owes me as well.

#7) I was a boy scout at one time. My father was our scout master and a friend of his was the assistant. They both were retired military so we were the only 12 year old scout troop at the jamboree that marched in cadence with a dirty limerick.

It was at this jamboree that I discovered that I did not want to be a scout. I just wanted to cut shite with my knife and shoot gun and bows. It was awesome.

Some folks told us there was a Girl Scout camp a distance away. I am a few creations marched toward the camp; to do what I have no idea. We got lost and an old camp guy thought it would be funny to pretend he was a mountain lion. He did and scared the shite out of us. We returned to the city distend to never like the outdoors or support any real conservation effort.

I now tag Amy, Grant, Mon, and MFDees

One night in biblioteca

RTQ learned how to make a widget. I think it is a widget to read the unsuspecting minds of those ever threatening Sasquatch hunters that roam the night air of Austin. I thank God for men like RTQ that wrestle the things that go bump in the night.

Rainbow Peppermint (a new addition to this sage in the biblioteca) came in and photocopied a bunch of stuff in Greek, Latin, and/or Sanskrit. I think she is writing a dissertation on the things people make up when they do not understand a language. She tried to talk to us about the high price of sour milk in southeast Asia and the effects it may or may not have (this opinion wildly differs according to ones political persuasion) upon the southern Ural mountains. I personally think she has had a bit too much wine.

I shared this opinion with her and she laid into me like a sailor. It was one profane description after another. She expelled vulgarity like she was a waist gunner mowing down folks in one of those war movies. I sat there shocked and dismayed. I could do no more. I put up my thumb and bit it. She went crazy!

“DO YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT ME SIR?!? ” She replied.

I returned her volley with, “YES! I bite my thumb. Sir”

“DO YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT ME SIR?!? ” She replied.

“Yes, I bite my thumb, but at thee?” I offer.

“DO YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT ME SIR?!? ” She exclaimed in a raucous voice that was filled with every bit of heaven and hell. A voice so loud God arrived to quite the disturbance in the biblioteca.

“Lo, my thumb is bite but at thee?” I deliver a peace offering…

With the sailor exhausted from sailing the vulgar ocean of plenty she returned to the foreign study of language of yore.

RTQ I noticed crawled from out of the desk. He really climbed out of the desk drawer, from whence he was hiding during the vulgar barrage from Sailor Peppermint. He excused himself and went to the kitchen to microwave a corny dog. I asked him to microwave me a burrito. One so hot that God could not carry it. His reply was, “Then how am I supposed to bring it to you out of Christian love? If God can not carry it then certainly I, a humble book servant am not worth or equipped to handle such a task.”

Then a voice from heaven spoke up and said, “RTQ I have chosen you to microwave that burrito and it is I your Lord God that brought you out of Oklahoma that shall provide you the strength and thermal prowess to lift that burrito.

So RTQ did microwave that burrito and bring it to me. I pray for the strength and fortitude to eat that burrito…thanks be to God. The burrito has been vanquished.

Even Rainbow Peppermint rejoiced in this.

See you next week or Wednesday here at the biblioteca.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent. If there are an coincidences of any living people then seriously I have not worked hard enough to protect those people and they should be chained to a tire for the remainder of their life.

Mustache & Mullet Party!!!

Tonight MF Dees and I were wax poetic about the lack of a keg at the recent festivities of fall. Mostly we plunged head long into the envy of McCormick and their keg that attended a party for thirsty seminarians.

On a side if I do a D.Min. I shall do it at McCormick. I am just sayin’ beer is good with theology and sausage.

So as we frothed at the mouth for a little chicken dance and lederhosen an idea arrived in glorious fashion!

A party to end all parties! The mother of all parties! A themed party with a theme and stuff! We will throw a costume party. No pimps and hoes here!!! No! Ladies and gentlemen I am pleased to announce that on December 01, 2007 there shall be an event that will go down in the annuls of history for ringing in joy and bringing out the funk.

The First Annual Mustache & Mullet Party, benefiting the senior class of Austin Seminary.

That is right folks set your colander on stun and come one come all to the party. To gain entrance you must sport a mustache or mullet. No one will be admitted absent of the furry fair.

The time and place shall follow. The date is set, December 01, 2007 after the Polity Bowl. Maybe we will have a rematch with the ETSS folks or a game of Charlton Heston?

For my grease loving compadres!

A couple of friends here at Austin Seminary have put together a little food review show that I think you the readers of this here blog would love. It is one of the most creative and innovative food review shows that I have ever witnessed.

I am still laughing me arse off.

Click here to view the show.

No shite!!! Y’all need to watch this show. If not satisfied I shall send you a TV show of greater or equal value [that I produce] absolutely free!!!

Today is Funion Friday!!!

Why do you say it is Funion Friday? Muncho Friday does not roll off the tongue with panache. I wanted to stay with a chip theme.

Buckle up here we go…

If you had to wear a suit made of fruit roll ups, what would it look like, taste like, and smell like? Perhaps butterfly collar…

Go to a mirror and flex. As you are flexing in the mirror say to yourself, “I am a bad MOFO!” If there is more than one person in the room. The others could shout out, “SHUT YOUR MOUTH” when you are flexing in the mirror.

If you had to live the life of someone in scripture, who would it be?

Tap Dance or Break Dance for at least 30 seconds. You may want to consult a doctor before you do. I am not too sure of the health of the audience of this blog.

What do you lasso in the city?

Walk like an Egyptian. You may whistle as well. WAY OH WAY OH…

Beef or Pork BBQ?

Put on your favorite album and pantomime Anne Hall to it.

Who loves ya, baby?

Go outside and evangelize a heathen for Jesus. You may use tracts, persuasion, and even shouting. You may not use lying on of hands. Remember, you got to get the heathen to accept a personal relationship with Jesus and baptize them in the nearest body of water.