I have wrestled with articulation of what is going on in me head these days. I have overcommitted like mad in order to please folks and hopefully keep my job and set me up for a bright career. The only thing is that I am not one for careers, let alone a vocation. I just want to hang out with people and help them when they need to be challenged or be that sounding board to help them fix the compass they are rocking towards spiritual understanding and their relationship with the divine awesome!
I am into my second year of ministry and am trying to find my voice and identity. What bothers me is that I have never been able to cement my relationship with denominational support. When I was a Presby I hungered for support in this area. I hoped that my CoPM would help me and that I may be selected for CNP. I got neither. It made me bitter for a while and it pushed me deeper into non-traditional support systems. I got invilved n Presbymergent and other social media outlets. I formed a community online that supported me and listened to the crazy shizzle flowing from my brains.
I am now seeking to be a part of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) and to be nurtured into a leader of integrity and faith. I am not sure how to connect there either. It is not easy to connect let alone seek mentoring these days. If I had a wish it would be for a mentor that was local and held a similar context to me. I have awesome friends and mentors that are still in the Presby ranks. I most of all want to be assured that I am not crazy and it is not all my fault.
When I graduated from seminary I truly held no notion of me ever being a pastor or “official” in ministry. I think mostly I was afraid of what it meant to be a minister to others. I fought against the label. Now I am a tad more comfortable with it. I also heard that 50% of my contemporaries would be out of vocational ministry in 5 years or less. Well we have 3 & a half to go. We shall see.
If I could offer one nugget from what I have experienced thus far, it would be this, not to take myself so seriously as I fumble through the life of the church. transformation of a community is like sausage. If you pay to close attention to how then you will not enjoy the what so much but with out the how you can not get to the what. Sausage does not grow on trees it is born from death and grinding all bits into one delicious link. Transformation is like that this. A transformation is born of death and grinding all bits in to one glorious community.
I pray that I may focus more on the what than the how in the next few years, hoping that I will awaken one day to a steaming plate of divinely ground awesomely yummy transformation.
Here is a few pictures of me office [The Frontier]