Fact Friday!

25 facts about Chuck Norris…

  1. When taking SAT exam, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score awesome!!!.
  2. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Jesus while he was praying in some garden.  Chuck then brought Jesus back to life so that he could save creation.
  3. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.
  4. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck made of Antarctic sea ice that is afraid to melt.
  5. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour.  He excused himself from the table and went to the restroom and returned with a happy Californian cow.
  6. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be Bad ass.
  7. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
  8. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
  9. Chuck Norris was one of the original plagues…he had to be written out of scripture due to his SAG membership.
  10. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
  11. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
  12. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
  13. When Chuck Norris was denied a Sausage McGriddle at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Jamba Juice.
  14. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size.  When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
  15. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
  16. Once while urinating, Chuck Norris accidentally bore a whole to China where he ate lunch at a buffet and was promptly asked to leave because he was there for three hours.  China is now known as Chuckistan.
  17. Yahweh was originally translated as Chuck Norris.
  18. Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
  19. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  20. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  21. Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce as eye drops.
  22. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  23. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  24. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
  25. Chuck Norris killed Judas after he betrayed Jesus and then took his spot as one of the 12.No one said anything out of fear.

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