Vin Diesel

  • Vin Diesel doesn’t buy computers. He goes down to the beach and takes a handful of sand and crushes it in his fist until it’s a dual-core processor.
  • Vin Diesel invented the ThunderDome
  • Vin Diesel once defied MC Hammer and touched it.
  • Vin Diesel doesn’t have to do a thing for a Klondike Bar.
  • Vin Diesel NEVER walks. He has tiny bugs under his feet that carry him around.
  • Vin Diesel is the 24th element of the Periodic Table.
  • You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel’s diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
  • Vin Diesel is one of the ingredients of dynamite.
  • For breakfast, Vin Diesel has two poached eggs and a minivan.
  • Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi’s Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children’s hospital.
  • Vin Diesel doesn’t use Listerine, he sets his mouth on fire.
  • Vin Diesel cooks meat by staring at it.
  • Vin Diesel no longer has to breathe air, he instead runs on a mixture of scotch, beer, and pork rinds that he takes in about twice a week.
  • Vin Diesel first used the phrase “hungry enough to eat a horse” after he devoured every unicorn in existence.
  • Armageddon will occur when Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris touch each other.
  • Vin Diesel can smell what The Rock is cooking.
  • Vin Diesel is 72% badass and 28% cornbread.
  • Vin Diesel is actually Race Bannon’s lost son.

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