God or whom/what I am compelled to cry out for. I need relief from this wrestling match. I try to accept and only fight harder. I think I am cool only to discover my Fonzie is not cutting it. Please forgive me of all the wicked and terrible shit I do and think to do, and think to do and covet to think. I am sweating and seeking peace and calm. Thoughts of you and visions of death terrify me. I am restless and yearning…sometimes I do not care what is next. I just want to tend to today, right now.
I want to be good. I want to please you. I want to be a fundamental, righteous, progressive justice seeking man that loves women and fights for gay rights. I want to be a good steward with what you have given me. I am hungry for truth and desperate for answers that I am sure will not come this night.
So I ask for peace and calm to get through this evening and perhaps the blessing of a new day. I pray for strength to write these last few pages well. I ask for the courage to answer the call on my life. I pray for humility and confidence that I will not and can not fuck shit up that you bless me with. I pray for faith. I pray that you help me with my unbelief. I pray that if I am called to ministry that you bless me with enough grace to minister each day to those you bless me with to walk along side of.
God, Allah, YHWH, Bondyè, Vishnu, Brahman All that is Creative, All that is mysterious, The Name above All Names, the Joy that remains in sorrow, and the salvation to which I am thankful hear me tonight…bless me, here I am.