Last night I slept for a solid 8 hours. No tossing and turning. No restlessness. Just tired. I hit the hay and woke up this morning at 5:30.
This is the first time in weeks, perhaps months, that I have slept a solid night through. What was different last night? Why did I not wrestle with God? Where was my late night wake-up call to question my mortality and faith?
I drifted off to sleep with anger, jealousy, and envy raging within my heart. I am tired, afraid, and unsure. I am wadding dangerously in the river of loathing and self-pity. I seek the glimmering fish gliding in the living waters. I grasp a handful of reeds from the shore and lean inward towards the swirling waters.
Last night I was to tired to rise from the shore. So I laid there on the shore, resting. A solid 8 hours of rest…cuddled up with a pillow of unbelief, covered with the blanket of grace. I awake to a new day, a new possibility.
God grant me the strength to admit my brokenness, my hurt, my longing, my anger, my envy. Fill my heart with courage, peace, and forgiveness both received and delivered. Open my eyes so I may see. Open my ears so that I may hear. Open my heart so that I may know…your ways, your thoughts, your wisdom. In the name of Christ the name that heals, provides,, reconciles, and reveals. Amen.