Walk Like A Pharaoh!?!

When I was in elementary school I took a liking to a young woman. I have never been good at engaging women. I am the awkward and silent goofy big brother or good friend. So I told Tiger this [my oldest cousin]. He offered me fabulous advise on how to pick up chicks. Mind you I was maybe 11 years old and he was 18 or 19. He told me that if I would impress her with dancing I would steal her heart.
So he taught me a move called the “PHARAOH”. You stand on a wall and flex your arms this way and that way like an Egyptian would [ala The Bangels video]. The twist is that you would sort of beat box as you did this.
So I took the show to Saint Luke’s Lutheran School. I opened the morning break near the tether ball courts. The wall was the newspaper shed in the corner. There was Jason, Charlie, Grant, Eric, this chick and that chick…I was rockin’ it old school! I busted the “PHARAOH” like is was an Egyptian.
There I was a chubby little kid, sweating and gyrating to beats filled with slobber and bubbles of my own device. In my school uniform of blue and navy I tore it up. I swear all of the kids were yelling, “GO RYAN! GO RYAN! GO RYAN!” As I danced and impressed all of the ladies in the proximity of my pubescent manliness.
The reality is…I tore my pants in this dance escapade and had to go to the nurse [why torn pants required me to visit the nurse I will never know]. It most likely was to mend any bit of confidence I had left. With torn pants I sat in the nurses office, sort of crying, sort of laughing.
To this day I do not like to dance. I have never performed the “PHARAOH” again. I have discovered that it is not dancing that impresses the ladies it is kindness, honesty, and a genuine heart. I bet that Mere would like it if I was a dancing machine…perhaps?

6 thoughts on “Walk Like A Pharaoh!?!

  1. Renee says:

    This post made me laugh out loud multiple times.How hilarious.So, was the girl unimpressed?I’m still laughing. . .

  2. Matt says:

    Never done the Pharoah again!? What a shame. Next time we’re in the same country we’ll have to remedy that.

  3. Ryan Pappan says:

    It did not impress the girl at all.Thanks Grant…I did corner the market on embarrassing myself in front of the ladies. Remember the Disneyland thing…”So do you like Mickey?” It seemed so appropriate at the time. I am thankful and lucky that Mere thinks it is cute. That is love!!!Matt, I would need to be chugging on a few beers and the area clear of ladies….say I fall into the same difficulty as a youth.

  4. Ryan Pappan says:

    Than was a good one. Poetry is better on toilet paper and written while tipsy. What woman would not want some of that?

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