Next Summer’s line up!

I have been thinking a lot these last few weeks. I have also been watching a lot of TV. I love Pirate Master! It is perfect television. I just can not shake the feeling that something is missing on TV…

Here are a few ideas Grant and I have been throwing around for next summer’s grand programming.

Lords of The Fjord

It is a reality game show that is Viking themed. Right? Brilliant! I know. The premise of the show is a group of wannabes dress up as Vikings and battle for a prize fit for Vikings…there own costal city in the artic.

Imagine with me…the grungy contestants growing out beards and getting grimy and dirty. The winning crew or raiders get all of the food and gorge themselves, getting fatter over time. The losers get no food outside of the scraps and charity of the winners. So the losing side gets skinner and the winners get fatter. I imagine folks dressed in animal skins, horned helmets, and carrying swords. The Viking king, who hosts the show, has a sidekick that is a Valkyrie that kicks arse with here spear and long swords. Perhaps China or Xena could play this part. I am excited by this idea! Of course the theme is none other than…Zeppelins, Immigrant Song! This is too easy. The song was made for this show.

Lumbering Jacks

Two successful outdoors Sports athletes move back home with their mom after an accident on the log rolling event. The comedy follows the crazy antics of recovery, the family reconciliation, and the love life of the younger brother that falls in love with a local clerk at the Home Depot.

Seminary Showdown

A group of seminarians are followed on their way to ordination. Every week they endure exams and counseling sessions. They compete in challenges to see who will be left to serve the Lord. A hard hitting honest look at the inner workings of the call process. Filled with interviews, heart breaking moments of clarity, and the barn burning fun of a depraved people seeking to serve a righteous God.

The shows opens with the Beirut song, Bandenburg…flash slides of the seminarians, with names under the pictures. Intermixed with icons, scripture, and photos of the seminary. This will let the public into the process of religious formation. Allowing a deeper more personal insight into service to Jesus Christ.

Gods at War

A Battle Royal of religious importance. Each contestant carries a battle standard into the ring of their personal deity. Reminiscent of the days of Rome. Christians battle Jews. Muslims battle Hindus. Jains battle Wiccians. All for the viewing pleasure of America. Let us remove the global terror threat and televise the battle to determine religious supremacy. The battle take place in a state of the art theater. Where contestants pick there field of battle from an array of options: land, sea, marsh, urban, highlands… With a variety of weapons and each contestants zeal for religious devotion, the outcome is endless. Providing the ultimate mission field and opportunity to show America whose God is the baddest MOFO on the block.

With a showcase for live hardcore/punk/heavy metal bands. A tie in with OzFest or other venues the American aggression towards difference can be finally solved!

If this ministry thing does not work out perhaps I have a career in Television?

3 thoughts on “Next Summer’s line up!

  1. Renee says:

    These are hilarious. I especially like the Lumberjack sitcom.Can I please, please, please be on the Seminary show?

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