For starters I almost wet myself in this last round of storms. It has rained everyday for the past week or so. Last night I got out the instructions given to Noah on ark building. I am not sure I need to get all of the animals inside. So I will just have to get enough lumber and pitch for a ark for three. Three, you say? Well I am a good Calvinist and need room for a trinity of folks.
It has been quite here. I did teach a Bible Study to which I got a chocolate cake as a reward for a job well done. I preached at a service with an alter call and speaking of tongues. A ate a cheeseburger from McDonald’s in one bite. I can still do it after all these years. I have taken to getting Happy Meals from the D to combat my sinful lust of processed fast food. Plus you get a toy. When will the D get better toys. I used to get Stompers in my Happy Meals and books when I was a kid.
You would think that the folks over at PR would do better tie ins. What about Reno 911 toys or Venture Brothers spy gear in those Happy Meals. They could have a trade in thing like at carnivals. You can trade three crap toys from the Happy Meals for a better one. Say a Transformer that is a Armored Car and turns into the Hamburglar. A delivery truck that turns into a Big Mac or a NASCAR that turns into Ronald McDonald. That one would go over well here.
I have been running a bit here. I am averaging 3 to 4 miles daily. I get bored around mile 2 and have taken to pretending to dance as I run. Yesterday Clinic was on the ear buds playing “The Return of Evil Bill.” I danced like a mad man to it. I kept the timing tight and popping! With a shoulder shake here and a hip bounce there. Then I work myself into a frenzy snapping my fingers, and jiving my elbows, until the train part comes on and I pull into the station and pause…then I explode like a cheap Chinese firecracker into a ball of white lightning. Well it is more like a ball of bulbous eco matter than lightning. I explode none the less and start the shoulder shake here and a hip bounce there again. This time with more attitude. The kind of attitude that says my God is better than your God.
I then rest until the next song comes on thinking about my supreme understanding of God. Of course God holds the same political beliefs that I do…I am right after all. God stands for what I do. I am right because God s on my side. All naysayers can kiss my God centered boooootayyyyy! Because God would want you to be like me and act like me. Lame! This is why fundamentals and progressives need to take my seminar class, “How to be like Ryan the God centered man: You do not have to be as cool as Ryan, but it helps.” This and a week stay in the student parking lot at APTS for $999.99! You get a discount if you know the song from Clinic I am referring too. It is free if you own the album.
Then around mile 3 and a half I am numb all over. Even my doubtful heart is warm with God awareness. It hurts bad. The only thing that is keeping me going is the thought of the groovy sounds that burn from the ear buds…Transformer by Gnarls Barkley. I beginning a new dance this time I am clothed in a Dalmatian print fur coat. The matching sequenced pants and coat fit snug and tight in the right areas. I pop in this suit. I have a cane with a liberty eagle holding a snake in its talons on the top of it. I creep along, its more like strolling now, in my platform running shoes by Nike, loaded with goldfish and a diver bubble guy. No bling outside of the golden cross that fights through my digable chest hair visible via the butterfly collar I am sporting. I feel the music and go beyond hearing it. I become the music. I become the funky beat in the song.
Now I am a few steps from 4 miles. I stop what I am doing. I do not want to ruin the image and style that I am wearin’…Hey look at me I am fat. Look at you you’re skinny. Then I rip off the funky gear and I am wearing skinny black jeans and a vintage t-shirt. TV on the Radio comes on. They are singing me in to the finish line with “I was your Lover.”
I tip toe into the completion of the 4th mile. I stand in victory as “I make eye contact with the runners in town. Absent of a bed of nails. I turn my stance towards the ground absent of logic and commerce.” I towel of the little sweat I worked up. I step off the treadmill and check my heart rate monitor that hugs my chest. I am still in my impact zone. I pose in front of the mirror in total victory. It hurts to be so godly. I wonder what music sounded in Paul’s head as he ran.
What does your understanding of God say about your relationship with those in the world that surround you?